that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
