If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
