This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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