I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
