you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
