well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This house was built for laser tag.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
