the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
