Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
