On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
ttyl tear gas
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
