Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
