her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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