You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
