is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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