Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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