there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize