So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize