What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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