he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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