LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
