Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
