is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
