you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
