Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
