He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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