3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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