okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
