Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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