You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
