yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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