what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
