I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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