I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
