i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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