no, he came in my armpit
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
