if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize