i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish I only lived at night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
