i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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