I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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