Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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