I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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