She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
