even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
