Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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