WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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