How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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