My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
