What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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