i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
