I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
