planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
