No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I stole a fireplace last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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