You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
