Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
