absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
