Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
