Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
