So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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