I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
