how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
