My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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