you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
