No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
