There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
