It's like God shit irony all over that family
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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