Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
