just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
