i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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