I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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